I don’t have political aspirations of any kind. Y’know why? Because I’m an atheist with nude photos, a complicated romantic history that includes but is not limited to wanton acts of slutwafflery, and I use the word cunt a lot out loud and in public. You can’t be a politician and all three of those things at once.

The key to effectively navigating the political landscape is lying your ass off about who you really are and what you really think. If you’re a sexist, priority #1 is convincing the voting public that you pay your male and female staffers an equal wage and don’t pat the pretty ones on the ass when they do a good job. If you’re an atheist (which statistically speaking could be up to about 16% of any given population) part of the gig includes attending regular services at a church affiliated with one of the more moderate Protestant denominations. Unless you’re from below the Mason-Dixon line. Then by all means feel free to frequently make appearances at a church that burns gays in effigy and encourages its members to handle snakes, speak in tongues, and pursue ever more imaginative means of demonstrating how nothing about the South will ever rise again because we’re all a bunch of ass-backwards hill people and swamp rats.

But yeah, if you’re in politics don’t go around calling your neighbor (who happens to be a nurses’ union staffer) a cunt. That would be a terrible idea and a good indication that you shouldn’t be riding around town without training wheels on your smart-ass mouth. Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit A in the case of Michigan House Rep. Frank Foster via eclectablog:

On Tuesday evening, Foster was visiting a home on Lansing’s south side when he walked up to the fence and asked Michigan Nurses Association staffer Julia Smith-Heck to stop mowing her lawn. They had a conversation about the “Protect Our Jobs” campaign to permanently enshrine collective bargaining rights in the Michigan Constitution, which the Michigan Nurses Association actively supports. Foster became hostile and walked away.

 He returned shortly afterward, demanding again that she stop mowing, saying it was bothering his autistic son. [Foster does not have children, according to his official bio information.] Smith-Heck declined, needing to finish mowing, but ended a short while later and went across the street to talk to her neighbor.

Foster, a woman and a boy of about 3 or 4 came out and walked up to Smith-Heck and her neighbor. Foster said, “I want to introduce you to my son, Chase. I want to introduce you to the person whose night you ruined.”

He then walked away, asking Smith-Heck, “Are you going to apologize?” She responded, “For mowing my lawn?” Foster said, “So you’re not going to apologize”? She repeated, “For mowing my lawn?” Foster yelled across the street, “You’re a cunt!”

IS THIS YOUR FIRST RODEO LITTLE MAN? For real bro, did you not get the memo? When you’re a public figure you lose the right to be a complete dick in public without very public consequences, like bloggers pointing out that you’re not a very good politician if you can’t avoid yelling “CUNT!” at a woman IN FRONT OF HER NEIGHBORS, JESUS, CTHULU AND THE REST OF THE FREE WORLD because LAWNMOWERS ARE A MASSIVE INCONVENIENCE. You failed Politics 101, specifically the part about not creating PR disasters by acting like an asshole. Thankfully, the webbernetz doesn’t forgive and the webbernetz doesn’t forget so I’m posting your contact information (which isn’t all that hard to find anyway) and the public can do with it what they will.

Rep. Frank Foster’s office # is  (517) 373-2629 and his email address is FrankFoster@house.mi.gov

Rep. Frank Foster is not very good at being a politician.

Later.

PluckyChicken


Posted by in #AtheistRollCall, Asshattery, Bad Advice, Politics, You're all a bunch of fuckheads