You know who takes the best photos ever? This guy. That’s right.
I’m going to be the first to point this out so that some asshole on the interwebz doesn’t beat me to it: I’ve gained like 5 lbs and I can’t ungain it because I’m HUNGRY AS FUCK and jalapeno cheddar cornbread hasn’t diminished in heavenly goodness since the last time you checked, so you’re all just going to have to be content with a slightly fuller-figured Plucky. The good news is that I’ve learned how to bake jalapeno cheddar cornbread muffins into bacon – scientifically speaking, this is the closest we will ever come as a species to recreating the affects of actual Kryptonite.
LOOK AT THEM. Dollops of jalapeno cheddar cornbread batter made whole emotionally and physically by the warm, salty embrace of bacon. Did I mention I’m basically fulfilling every lame cliche about women and food and Instagram now? I’m completely ashamed of myself and yet powerless against my desire to upload pictures of my food, pets, etc. It’s a vicious cycle. Consider this my cry for help.
In other, completely unrelated news I participated in a good ol’ fashioned bitch-fest with THIS DAPPER FELLOW and THIS HANDSOME DEVIL over at The Collinsport Historical Society because unlike some other bloggers whose brain-cups are overflowing with juicy blog-goo, I have completely run out of things to write about and now require prompts from other, less bikini photo-dependent bloggers to keep myself afloat. Thanks for inviting me to burn Tim Burton and Seth Grahame-Who-Gives-A-Fuck in effigy you guys. It was a cathartic experience.